It’s been over 13 years.
I get it now. It will only get harder. I will only feel more pain as I watch my little girl grow into a woman. I have to sit by and watch her from afar as she goes on her journey through all of her life experiences. I will never be the shoulder she cries on when those boys break her heart, I will never be the woman she confides in when she gets in a fight with her best friend. I will never be the woman she calls when she finds out she’s going to be a mother, or if the love of her life proposes to her, or if she lands that dream job and moves off to another place.
I should have been that woman. I may never get the chance to be that woman. I can only sit back and hope that I get to eventually get a taste of what it’s like to be part of her life.
Edit: I wrote this post on February 1st, 2015. I never published it. Since then, 2 more birthdays have passed. There have been so many changes in our relationship since this. But, I figured since it’s already written, I’m going to post it. This will be my place to just let all of these feelings out.